14) The Ecumenical Centre and Russian Roulade

What can I say about the Ecu(menical Centre)?  I could tell you that its so good that I have found people sleeping outside in winter mornings desperate to get in.  I went in and had cake and a cup of tea for just £1.20.  I am on a roll,  both the tea and the cake are fine.  What a bargain.   I could come here four times instead of going to the Boatman's and still have change.

The downside, I asked Jerry who served me what type of cake it was and he did not know.  He said that "Mavis" who makes them does so, cuts them up and them wraps them in cling film without labelling them, so he does not know what cake it is he is selling.  But he thinks its a mild ginger.  How fabulous is this?  We are playing a sort of russian roulade with cake.  It's like picking Revels without looking, with the danger of pulling the coffee one out.   Of course "Mavis" is not her real name, I have called her this to avoid the danger of her being poached, grilled or roasted by another cafe.

Now as you know I regard having something to read as an essential part of a good cup of tea and a nice piece of cake.  And the Ecu knocks the spots of absolutely everywhere else I have been to in West Lancs.  It has hundreds of books and all are free to borrow to the visitor.   There's also a lot of care given to the visitor.  

As we are deepening our relationship reader I can admit to you that I suffer from OCD, Obsessive Cake-Eating Disorder.  It's because of this that I indulge in another obsessive habit each time I visit The Ecu.  Every single time I go there I have a piece of "Mavis'"cake and I read just one page from a chosen book.   Why do I do this dear reader?  Well I estimate that there will be two benefits to this approach:

1)  By the end of three years I should have finished a very sizeable book
2) I should have figured out what bloody cake it is that "Mavis" has been making all these years.

13) Cafe West - At last , a bargain.

Dear Chums

I feel I can call you that now, as we are getting on so well (thanks for all your messages of support) I feel a degree of intimacy is deserved.  Oh, and to all my American readers, howdy - I am grateful for your support.  You must be reading these pages with envy considering your cakes.  If at any point I refer to our "Special Relationship," don't worry you may not be aware of it but it's all above board.

Chums, I went to Cafe West because I heard reports of reasonably priced tea and cake.   After my trip to the Boatman's Brasserie I have to be more careful, Mrs R has been threatening to ground me.   All because I splashed the cash she claims that Scone Junior had to live for a week in school on nothing but cheese triangles that had become stuck frozen to the back of the fridge.   I have form in this area.  The coffee cake was fair although not home-baked.   The tea was good.  The place was very comfortable but had nothing to read.    However, it was a mere £1.95. Woohoo.  The sun came out and shone brightly.    A fair deal I say and it is open to all.   But I am suspicious.  It's clearly too good for students.    I must try the training restaurant. There's also a hairdressers and a theatre and apparently some people even attend in order to get an education here.

Now a number of you have asked, how did it come to this?   How did I a successful Hollywood star like myself  end up writing about West Lancashire.   You are all aware of my glittering film career where I rode into town, arrested the bad guy, restored law and order and made the girls fall in love with me before leaving town shouting, "Hi Ho Silver Lining."  Well, westerns became less popular, roles became harder to come by and I was typecast.  It's not easy to appear in a war/musical/science fiction/romcom/anything while wearing a mask and a large white hat, riding a white horse and with a native american clinging on to me.    (I feel that I can share this with you now as we have established a rapport - but all that "Kemo Sabe" bit was a bit creepy;  I just did n't get it). 

Of course these days all I would have to do is to admit to a strange sexual appetite/practice and I would be offered my own series on Channel 4.    And if I'd indulge in it on air I'd be presenting the news on Channel 5.  There would be a book deal each Christmas, a DVD and Loose Women would get their hands on me.  (Or is that just me day-dreaming/having a nightmare - have you seen them!).  I would certainly be offered a reality television show or two, and at the very least one series of, "Dancing on Ice or Strictly". (Although slightly difficult with Silver in tow - but Anton du Beke managed with Ann Widdecombe so anything is possible).  I'd have to avoid "Cowboy Builders," otherwise I'd be typecast again.

I don't mind saying things got a bit tough for a while.   But more about that another time when I can be sure my confidences will not go any further.

No trains go anywhere near West Lancashire College (the train line was closed in the early sixties), the buses 311, 375, 385 and 3 go to the Concourse which is not far away. Skelmersdale surprised me, and there are some pleasant walking paths around town.

Cafe West
West Lancashire College
Skelmersdale Campus
College Way
Skelmersdale
WN8 6DX

8) Asda, Skelmersdale - "Oh My Darling."

I rode into Asda on the 311.  It arrived straight into the Asda Skelmersdale car park.   How convenient is that.  An excellent service with bus from Liverpool and Skelmersdale going via Ormskirk.  It’s time for another cake and cup of tea.  The sun is shining, it’s going to be a great day.  The thought of cake puts a spring into my step.  Nothing can stop me now.

In the cafeteria I am called “My darling” four times.   They must really like me. I must tell Mrs Ranger.  But its great they're so friendly. I order the Victoria Sponge and a cup of tea.  £2.25. 

The cake is pre-sliced and for a cup of tea I was given a cup and a teabag and pointed in the direction of the counter in the seating area.  There I had to figure out which machine dispenses the hot water and there was no milk in the flask.   It makes it so stressful.

This is not cake heaven and there is no chance of a relaxing time.  However, there has been a service improvement.  Last time I had sandwich cake in Asda from the café the wedge shaped slice was pre-wrapped in film packaging.  And although the pieces were laid out as though they all formed part of a single cake, I don’t think they had ever met each other before being put out on display.  It was like they were conjoined pieces of cake that had been separated at birth and then brought back for display purposes.  But this cake tastes nice.  I think the film may have been removed this morning.

Then Mrs R called.  Just as I was about to take a bite. I don’t know how she knows.    I told her I was on a mission in Asda, Skelmersdale.   Undercover I said.   And she gave me a list of things to buy.  I don’t think she takes my mission in West Lancs seriously.   Can you imagine

Lois Lane calling Superman to ask him to pick up a pint of milk on the way home just as he stops a speeding train.  Or Spiderman, while he is wrestling with the Green Goblin, being asked by Aunt May to get some bread from the Spar.  I have told her repeatedly that I am The Scone Ranger, and she just says, “Yes, of course you are dear- and don't forget the yoghurt."

6) Refresh, Skelmersdale

I went to Refresh in the Concourse at Skelmersdale because I was enticed in.   The sign said a cup of tea and a slice of cake £1.75.  I asked for the offer and was told that they had no cake.   Instead I was offered a blueberry muffin in a bag and a cup of tea, £2.05.   I feel I have been "Grouponed."

Is a muffin a cake I ask myself?   If it is I am going to have to visit every McDonalds in West Lancashire (2).  I have discussed this with Miss Victoria and she tells me it is.   I am not convinced.  But then she tells me a doughnut is a cake.  In fact she tells me that anything with cake in title is a cake.  Which may linguistically be correct but what about Pontefract Cakes, pancakes and cakes of soap.  They may be cakes but not the sort I am championing on your behalf.  Trust me reader, I won't let you down.

The blueberry muffin smells of chemicals, they all do.  Its not the fault of Refresh, its the bag.  I think it may have come from a small bakery just outside Fukushima.   In my mind I think I can even hear a geiger counter going off but its a false alarm - it's just my tinnitus.   I had thought there was a real buzz about this place and now I know what that buzzing is.  Perhaps I should have worn protective clothing before eating it, in my case thats usually a good idea even if it is only a bib.  I still eat it because after all I have said, a cake is a cake.

Refresh is interesting though.  Its small and cozy.   Sitting there is like you've moved in with Harry Potter in Book One.   I am in the cupboard under the stairs.  Hedwig will arrive at any moment and the man on the next table looks like Dobbie but not so well dressed.   But at least I get to read the papers.  Tragic news, Davy Jones has died.  I liked Davy but I remember that The Monkees brought in Mickey Dolenz because Davy could not reach the high notes. We have lost some musical talent recently. Davy, Amy and of course Whitney.   But thankfully we were spared from losing George Michael, who has pledged to keep on with his song-writing and touring.  How's that for a double whammy!

All the Skelmersdale buses call here.  311, 375,385 and 3a.

Refresh, New Market Hall, The Concourse, Southway, Skelmersdale. WN8 6HB

2) Midstream Garden Centre and Cafe, Pimbo

Well, I hitched up the trusty steed and headed towards the Midstream Garden Centre.   There's no way you can get here without a car, unless you live nearby.  There are no buses or trains.    And its on an industrial estate.  However, it is still a good place.  I noticed it scored 5 stars in the Food Hygiene ratings.


The tea was £1.20 for a pot (not a cup) and the cake (also £1.20) was home made.  There was a choice between Lemon Drizzle and Victoria Sponge.  I went for the Victoria.  It reminded me of childhood Victoria Sponge, I never liked the cream in the middle,  and so I would only eat cake with just plain jam and this came just that way.  It was lovely and fresh.  A good choice.
 2 down, 178 to go.


Midstream

2 Penrose Place, West Pimbo, Skelmersdale, West Lancashire, WN8 9PR

 

1) Dee's Deli, Skelmersdale - Deelightful

Well, here's my first of approximately 180 cakes and cups of tea.  Dee's Deli.  Its my first week and I was not sure how easy it would be to get what I was looking for. But there its was, not far from the famous 311 bus....Dee's Deli.  And what a great place, I don't think its really a deli but yes  it has what I was looking for.  And even better as far as I know it's a unique place and well worth the visit,  It was half "deli" and half convenience store.  Along one side wall were all sorts of tins and jars of food.  It reminded me of country pubs in Ireland, those ones which act like half pub and half something else. I can recall trips to Kerry and Wicklow to ones that sold other goods such as tools and paint. 

Now the good news - it had cake, to my surprise. There was not much of a choice but I had a custard slice (clearly not one home made - I suspect it was a Waterfields - it might have been the van parked outside) and a cup of tea.  Now the bad news. The tea tasted like Earl Grey.  I hate Earl Grey and think it was not properly made, it had not been allowed to enough time to brew....it was really Early Grey.  No one should be allowed to serve Earl Grey without warning the customer first.  There should be a warning on the cup, a bit like cigarette packs.

The price, £1.79.  Not bad.  90p for the tea and 89p for the cake.  And a nice place.

I had not expected to get a cake and cup of tea in northern Skelmersdale before you leave the town. I think they should have a sign on the road outside, 'Last Cake for 7 Miles,' to let passers by know.

So my first visit was a success.  I got all the three things I wanted.

One down.  179 to go.

Dee's Deli
23  Lyndale, Skelmersdale, Lancashire. WN8 6UJ