10) Brandreth Barn - A very nice moment

It was freezing cold today.  Bitter.  But nonetheless Trento had to be exercised.  I explained to Mrs R that I was unable to assist around the ranch because of this essential duty.  In these circumstances she completely understands.   It’s not like I was going out to amuse myself with some petty whim to avoid household chores.  No, this is animal care - an important task. 

Miss Victoria should be with me, but its cold so there's no chance of that.   I do like to take Trento to different places.  So today I took him to Martin Mere.  We were not staying. It was just a good place to park the car.

We (meaning me as Trento does not mind the cold) were wrapped up warm, and it was still cold.  The plan was to travel along the footpath from Martin Mere (sorry to keep mentioning this – other bird sanctuaries are available in West Lancs) to Mere Sands Wood.  This is a good, signposted walk.  Worth doing.

We started off with good intent. It’s a walk across the countryside.  However, it was not getting any warmer. We decided it would be best if we sat this one out. It had just gone 10am and I know that Brandreth Barn Tea Room is just up the road.  An easy choice.  I hitched him up outside and went in for the usual.The woman thought it was a bit odd that all I asked about at 10am, before they had any other cutomer, was cakes.  All homemade too.

I’d never been there before; it’s got a nice cottage-style look to it.  No sandwich cakes were available but they had fruit cake.   Different ones, £3.95 with a pot of tea.  When it arrived it looked and tasted good.  No bag, or website details – just made on the premises.  No further details are necessary.     And lots of fruit too.  Now Scone’s brother will tell you that he makes a great Christmas fruit cake but privately I can confess to you reader that this knocks the pants off his. 

The pot of tea is very good.  They have got round the problem of the first cup being too weak by putting two tea bags in the pot.  That's the sort of attention to detail a good cup of tea deserves.

The woman returned to the kitchen and carried on making food for the day ahead.  There were the smells and sounds of cooking.  It was a really pleasant experience.   But there was nothing to read.  Not even an old Lancashire Life.   The Kindle came out; I enjoyed both cake and tea.  After about twenty minutes flew by before it was time to collect Trento (he seemed happy outside - perhaps I should have let him enjoy it for a little longer) and to return home.   The nearest I can get to explaining the satisfaction involved would be to say that the pleasure of owning your own shed would be similar.

Best not to mention this to Mrs R, let her think that I’ve been looking after Trento.  No need to mention the cake either. When I got home she praised me for the care I was showing Trento. Its just as well he's not Mr Ed; she made me a fresh cup of tea to warm me up after the cold.  Very nice.

No buses go to Martin Mere or Brandreth Barn Tea Room.  You can get there by walking from Burscough Bridge Station, it’s signposted.  There’s even a great reed bed walk you can do on the way.   Fabulous.  Or you can get the train to New Lane Station, it’s about half a mile away.  Or you go to Jack Parker’s Cycle Shop in Burscough and hire a bike.

9) Box Tree Cafe, Burscough - I'll be back, perhaps.

After a good walk with Trento along the Leeds Liverpool Canal we had our aim set high. We passed the Martin Inn.  We could even have gone to The Farm, which we like.  But no we pressed on, we were not to be distracted.  Not even the thought of a cool beer in The Farmers or The Slipway could deter us.  No, today we were steering towards The Box Tree Cafe at the Burscough Wharf.  I'd seen it before and it looked good, and the website had raised my expectations.

It was the day the Wharf was celebrating its first anniversary with a transport festival and the place looked great. There was a fabulous green double decker parked in the yard.

In the Box Tree although it was not busy there was a short queue to get served and the young girl appeared to be struggling to keep up.  Despite this the woman who appeared to be in charge was talking to a visitor.  I was disappointed as I was looking forward to my tea and cake.  The signs looked good.  Trento was hitched up outside and I wanted to enjoy the moment and get back to my "Kemo Sabe."  After five minutes queueing the conversation continued and then they were joined by another woman.  I was still waiting to be served.   As yet no-one had been served.   After a  couple more minutes the woman said to her two friends, "Can I get you anything?"  Well that was it. I'd had enough.   I left.  I will be back, perhaps. The Box Tree may get another bite of the Cherry Bakewell but for now it's had its chance.   There are lots of other places I have yet to visit once.  Which is a real pity as the cakes looked good.

Trento and I went home cakeless on the No.2 from Preston to Ormskirk.

Box Tree Tea Room Burscough Wharf, Liverpool Road North, Burscough, Lancashire, L40 5TN

Box Tree Tea Room Burscough Wharf, Liverpool Road North, Burscough, Lancashire, L40 5TN

8) Asda, Skelmersdale - "Oh My Darling."

I rode into Asda on the 311.  It arrived straight into the Asda Skelmersdale car park.   How convenient is that.  An excellent service with bus from Liverpool and Skelmersdale going via Ormskirk.  It’s time for another cake and cup of tea.  The sun is shining, it’s going to be a great day.  The thought of cake puts a spring into my step.  Nothing can stop me now.

In the cafeteria I am called “My darling” four times.   They must really like me. I must tell Mrs Ranger.  But its great they're so friendly. I order the Victoria Sponge and a cup of tea.  £2.25. 

The cake is pre-sliced and for a cup of tea I was given a cup and a teabag and pointed in the direction of the counter in the seating area.  There I had to figure out which machine dispenses the hot water and there was no milk in the flask.   It makes it so stressful.

This is not cake heaven and there is no chance of a relaxing time.  However, there has been a service improvement.  Last time I had sandwich cake in Asda from the café the wedge shaped slice was pre-wrapped in film packaging.  And although the pieces were laid out as though they all formed part of a single cake, I don’t think they had ever met each other before being put out on display.  It was like they were conjoined pieces of cake that had been separated at birth and then brought back for display purposes.  But this cake tastes nice.  I think the film may have been removed this morning.

Then Mrs R called.  Just as I was about to take a bite. I don’t know how she knows.    I told her I was on a mission in Asda, Skelmersdale.   Undercover I said.   And she gave me a list of things to buy.  I don’t think she takes my mission in West Lancs seriously.   Can you imagine

Lois Lane calling Superman to ask him to pick up a pint of milk on the way home just as he stops a speeding train.  Or Spiderman, while he is wrestling with the Green Goblin, being asked by Aunt May to get some bread from the Spar.  I have told her repeatedly that I am The Scone Ranger, and she just says, “Yes, of course you are dear- and don't forget the yoghurt."

7) Cafe Verde - Fruit cake and a Ukelele

I've been for a haircut this morning, and to my surprise these days there's more thats silver about the Scone Ranger than his horse.  I suppose its part of the circle of life.  I'd had another inkling of this earlier in the week.  Two very nice ladies approached and slipped me  a piece of paper. each  Naturally I had confidently expected telephone numbers.  Instead, all I got were recommendations of the names and addresses of a couple of cafes serving cake. Ah well.

Today I had twenty minutes between my visit to the excellent Brian's and meeting with Miss Victoria.  If I was quick there would be just time for a quick cup of tea and piece of cake.   I slipped into Cafe Verde, in Church Street, Ormskirk.   A cup of tea and a slice of fruit cake please.  It turned out that they have two, a light and a dark one.  Decisions and complexities when I was pressed for time.   The dark one has a stronger taste I was told.  £2.20.  They'd bring it over they said.

Ten minutes later I was back at the counter.  "I've ordered fruit cake a pot of tea."    "We're just waiting for the milk," they said.   Waiting for the milk I thought.  I am in a cafe.  It is next door to a Tesco's.  And they have no milk. Alarm bells started ringing.  I can't be late.

I went back to my seat and looked at my watch again.  I was getting anxious.  I must not be late for Miss Victoria. I was beginning to think that I'd have to abandon the sortee and get my money back  That would have been a first for The Scone Ranger.    I can see how this would not got down too well, a masked man wearing a pair of pistols demanding money from staff at the counter.  No, I had to sit tight, for a bit longer at least.   I watched the window, and I looked at the clock.  More than once.  Time was passing.  Then I saw a girl come in carrying a bottle of milk from Tesco's.  At last.

Before you know it I've a small pot of tea (1.5 cups) and a slice of cake.  Both are OK.  But not great.  The special moment of a man alone with his tea and slice of cake, that moment of nirvana, of being in the zone, does not happen today because of the delay.   Plus someone else has the cafe newspaper.    I have to hurry, I could not be late.  I feel a bit cheated.   I am about to eat and drink up quick in order to meet Miss Victoria when the moment was almost saved.  A man sat down and began to play the ukelele.   We are now about to enter another dimension.   Now there's something special about the uke that can only make you smile.  I don't know whether it's the sweet sound or the connection with George Formby, or something else.  Whatever, its a lovely sound and almost saves the day.  But not quite.

By the way, thanks to Mrs E Clair (I can't help but think that this is not her real name) for pointing out that the first Harry Potter book featured in the Refresh log must have been,
'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Scone.'

Cafe Verde, 1 Church House, Church Street, Ormskirk L39 3AG



All the usual buses and trains go to Ormskirk

A word of warning - Superslice Me

I have people asking one question.  "Scone" they say, "Scone is this a healthy, safe activity?"  And just like Morgan Spurlock before me in "Supersize Me" I recognise the health risks in what I am attempting to do.  However, unlike Morgan I will not be asking anyone to 'superslice' me.  But I do remain hopeful.   Cake shops please note.


Looking back now I feel I have been building towards this challenge all my life, and over the years have diligently prepared my body to face these rigours.  I weighed myself at the start (a very slim 80kg and from this you've probably guessed I am 6 ft 2 inches tall) and I expect to weigh the same at the end. I have always followed a very healthy life style full of exercise and an otherwise very healthy diet.   For the full details please see my other site (http://www.5pints-and-a-kebab-onthewayhome.com/).


Therefore, my advice is, please do not try this at home.

6) Refresh, Skelmersdale

I went to Refresh in the Concourse at Skelmersdale because I was enticed in.   The sign said a cup of tea and a slice of cake £1.75.  I asked for the offer and was told that they had no cake.   Instead I was offered a blueberry muffin in a bag and a cup of tea, £2.05.   I feel I have been "Grouponed."

Is a muffin a cake I ask myself?   If it is I am going to have to visit every McDonalds in West Lancashire (2).  I have discussed this with Miss Victoria and she tells me it is.   I am not convinced.  But then she tells me a doughnut is a cake.  In fact she tells me that anything with cake in title is a cake.  Which may linguistically be correct but what about Pontefract Cakes, pancakes and cakes of soap.  They may be cakes but not the sort I am championing on your behalf.  Trust me reader, I won't let you down.

The blueberry muffin smells of chemicals, they all do.  Its not the fault of Refresh, its the bag.  I think it may have come from a small bakery just outside Fukushima.   In my mind I think I can even hear a geiger counter going off but its a false alarm - it's just my tinnitus.   I had thought there was a real buzz about this place and now I know what that buzzing is.  Perhaps I should have worn protective clothing before eating it, in my case thats usually a good idea even if it is only a bib.  I still eat it because after all I have said, a cake is a cake.

Refresh is interesting though.  Its small and cozy.   Sitting there is like you've moved in with Harry Potter in Book One.   I am in the cupboard under the stairs.  Hedwig will arrive at any moment and the man on the next table looks like Dobbie but not so well dressed.   But at least I get to read the papers.  Tragic news, Davy Jones has died.  I liked Davy but I remember that The Monkees brought in Mickey Dolenz because Davy could not reach the high notes. We have lost some musical talent recently. Davy, Amy and of course Whitney.   But thankfully we were spared from losing George Michael, who has pledged to keep on with his song-writing and touring.  How's that for a double whammy!

All the Skelmersdale buses call here.  311, 375,385 and 3a.

Refresh, New Market Hall, The Concourse, Southway, Skelmersdale. WN8 6HB

5) Taylor's Ormskirk - Practically Gourmet.

When I set myself this herculean task of 180 cakes and 180 cups of tea in 180 weeks I thought to myself, I am only going to say good things.  I did not want to appear mean. 
 
But in Taylor’s I thought I had gone asleep and woken up in early East Germany.  I would not have been surprised to see Erich Honecker with the cast of Life on Mars on the table next to me, being served by Lord Lucan.  With a Trabant parked outside. 

Which reminds me, I once tried to run the Berlin marathon and after 18 miles I just kept on hitting The Wall.  What was so disappointing about Taylor’s was the formica tables.  And I was not given fresh milk, instead I was given disposable tubes of milk.  Apart from the Sky TV (Sky!) on the wall I thought I’d gone back in time.

The tea came in a metal pot and the cake came in a bag.  A Farmhouse Fruitcake it said.  It said on the packet it was from Margaret’s Country Kitchen (www.margarethall.com) and it contained vine fruits 33% (Raisins, sultanas and currants in variable proportions).  £1.99. 

The specials board pointed out the various dishes one could have chips with, including egg.  Mrs Ranger and I once visited a park in America which included a meal.  We were shown round by a guide who at the end of the tour assured us that the food was "practically gourmet."  It wasn't.  Since then if the food offered is disappointing, we suggest to each other that its "practically gourmet".  The phrase comes to mind now.

On the plus side its part of a good and valued independent shop which sells news and artists’ supplies.  And it is right in centre of town and you can get to it on the Northern Line to Ormskirk.  Plus all the usual buses go there.  Including the 311.  I think I just expected more.

5 down 175 to go.

Taylor’s,

21-25 Moor Street

, Ormskirk L39 2AA

4) Infusions, Burscough - Whitney and I

Well what can I say.  People have been asking me  about my motivation, am I The Scone Ranger eating cakes so you don't have to?   Or after my trip to Cafe Red in Ormskirk (where I had bread and butter pudding) have I turned in the Dessert Fox?    I've lost my focus so soon. Its a crisis of confidence.   I need to get back on track. 
Unfortunately the legendary Ponderosa in Burscough, next door to the former weird shoe shop, would not let me in.   They claimed they were closing.  I checked my mask to make sure it was not slipping but it can't have been that.  It must be the spurs.    I have to resort to Infusions.  Nice place,  I sit down and order a cup of tea with a saucer and a piece of lemon drizzle cake.  £2.95.  Is it home made, I ask?  No, its bought in.  Shame.  It's a nice cup of tea and a nice piece of cake.  And they have the papers to read.  Huzzah!  Its quality time now, cake, tea and the papers all to myself.

My trusty Trento is with me today but naturally he is not allowed in. I've had to tether him up outside in the cold.

It's the day after Whitney Houston's funeral, and all the papers are full of it.  Apparently everyone in the room when they found her agreed it was a terrible waste, but that the taps really were very good.  Why did someone not stop her excesses?  Why did someone not say, "Houston, you have a problem."   Apparently at the cremation they played the Kings of Leon for her former husband Bobbi, "Ooh, your 'ex is on fire."

The buses 2a and 3 will get you here and both Burscough Bridge and Burscough Junction Stations are close.

4 down, 176 to go.

Infusions,4 Orrell Lane, Burscough, Lancashire. L40 0SZ

3) Cafe Red, Ormskirk - Napalm Crumble

This seems to be going well.  This is my third visit as The Scone Ranger and no-one seems to be bothered that I might be here in order to test the food.  I think the mask certainly helps, its allows me to remain anonymous and to blend in with the other customers.  Perhaps wearing the spurs is going a bit far however.  Might need to review that bit.   Especially on the bus.  


Anyway Cafe Red, Ormskirk today.  With my friend Miss Victoria Sponge.  Vicky just does not get it, she can't see why each time I have to have a cake and not something else, or why it has to be in West Lancashire.  I've been to Cafe Red before, it's always friendly and well known for its waffles. 


I subtly asked the waitress if  a waffle counted as a cake.  She then shouted into the kitchen "Is a waffle a cake?"  Except I said waffle (as in war-fell) and she said waffle (as in waff-el).  There was no answer.  I played safe, or so I thought and had the lemon and ginger marmalade bread and butter pudding made with brioche.  I agreed to share with Vicky.  She hated it (she ate a whole slice of decorative lemon by mistake and it put her off).   I ate the whole thing. It was fab. Apart from the dreaded squirty cream, the serving of which should be an offence deserving of corporal punishment. Thats probably whats meant by lashings of cream.  I ate it straight away while it was hot.  I gobbled it down.  Wow, it was lovely.  Wow it was hot, but I could not wait.


An hour later when I was home I had a chronic pain in my stomach and rolled around in agony for over 30 minutes.  I'd been too greedy, too hasty.  I'd eaten it all while it was still too hot and the marmalade was probably still cooking.  I'd scalded my inside.  I felt like I'd feasted on napalm crumble.  I must have looked like the kid in the Ready Brek advert, the one who glows from the inside.  Vicky got the last laugh.


Dear reader, I hope you appreciate I am suffering for you.  Putting myself through this pain so you don't have to.  Vincent Van Gogh was the same.


It was good though.  Would I do that again, probably.


Cafe Red can be reached by train (Northern Line), the Preston to Ormskirk Line and all sorts of buses from 2A, 3, 375,385 and the extraordinary 311.


Cafe Red, 41 Burscough Street, Ormskirk, Lancashire L39 2EG       


3 down 177 to go.

2) Midstream Garden Centre and Cafe, Pimbo

Well, I hitched up the trusty steed and headed towards the Midstream Garden Centre.   There's no way you can get here without a car, unless you live nearby.  There are no buses or trains.    And its on an industrial estate.  However, it is still a good place.  I noticed it scored 5 stars in the Food Hygiene ratings.


The tea was £1.20 for a pot (not a cup) and the cake (also £1.20) was home made.  There was a choice between Lemon Drizzle and Victoria Sponge.  I went for the Victoria.  It reminded me of childhood Victoria Sponge, I never liked the cream in the middle,  and so I would only eat cake with just plain jam and this came just that way.  It was lovely and fresh.  A good choice.
 2 down, 178 to go.


Midstream

2 Penrose Place, West Pimbo, Skelmersdale, West Lancashire, WN8 9PR

 

1) Dee's Deli, Skelmersdale - Deelightful

Well, here's my first of approximately 180 cakes and cups of tea.  Dee's Deli.  Its my first week and I was not sure how easy it would be to get what I was looking for. But there its was, not far from the famous 311 bus....Dee's Deli.  And what a great place, I don't think its really a deli but yes  it has what I was looking for.  And even better as far as I know it's a unique place and well worth the visit,  It was half "deli" and half convenience store.  Along one side wall were all sorts of tins and jars of food.  It reminded me of country pubs in Ireland, those ones which act like half pub and half something else. I can recall trips to Kerry and Wicklow to ones that sold other goods such as tools and paint. 

Now the good news - it had cake, to my surprise. There was not much of a choice but I had a custard slice (clearly not one home made - I suspect it was a Waterfields - it might have been the van parked outside) and a cup of tea.  Now the bad news. The tea tasted like Earl Grey.  I hate Earl Grey and think it was not properly made, it had not been allowed to enough time to brew....it was really Early Grey.  No one should be allowed to serve Earl Grey without warning the customer first.  There should be a warning on the cup, a bit like cigarette packs.

The price, £1.79.  Not bad.  90p for the tea and 89p for the cake.  And a nice place.

I had not expected to get a cake and cup of tea in northern Skelmersdale before you leave the town. I think they should have a sign on the road outside, 'Last Cake for 7 Miles,' to let passers by know.

So my first visit was a success.  I got all the three things I wanted.

One down.  179 to go.

Dee's Deli
23  Lyndale, Skelmersdale, Lancashire. WN8 6UJ